Recording history, events or individual or family/group experiences is an ancient and admirable practice. In the Old Testament Scriptures, we read in the Book of Numbers that the Israelites journeyed by companies from the land of Egypt under the guidance of Moses and Aaron. Numbers 33:2 notes that “At the Lord’s command, Moses recorded the stages in their journey.” Journaling allows one to record significant and/or transitory events for the benefit of oneself and others.  

In February 2024, I had the grace to present at the Spiritual Journaling Retreat & Workshop at the Benedictine Monastery of the Good Shepherd. It was a blessing for me to reflect on and also share “My Journey with Journals.”

My history of journaling began at age 14 when a school friend, Judy Penman, gave me a diary as a Christmas gift. My journaling then was rudimentary and usually consisted of “Today I helped clean house … did my homework …” etc. However, it also held significant accounts such as my entry on May 28, 1969, when I met my future husband and wrote in my diary, “At our ‘Going Out of School Dance’ I met a very nice boy named Mauricio Pesina – I think he likes me” – an entry I read from my diary 10 years ago at our 40th anniversary luncheon. (I think he still likes me!)

For many years, I have had the ritual of “Naming My Years” as part of my spiritual journey. Sometime in December I start rereading my journal entries for that year, and usually at the end of December or beginning of January, I write some key themes so as to name my year. A few examples: The Year of Job, Year of Isaiah, The Year of the Chinese farmer, The Year of Shattered Dreams, The Year of Paschal Mystery, The Year of the Sacred and the Messy, The Year of New Life (the year my grandson Elian was unexpectedly born in our home/ in Mauri’s and my bed/ and in my arms … )

Journals are a wonderful way to record history, especially family history. My paternal grandfather Dionicio Reyna did not have the opportunity to receive formal education. However, he taught himself to read Spanish and English, and to write in Spanish and keep journals. He included things of interest to him such as the undercarriage of a vehicle; the dimensions of a field of crops; when he sold a pig or bought a cow; and even a love note to my grandmother. He wrote a wonderful short story in his journal entitled “Entre Las Balas” about his brother in the military during the Mexican Revolution.

Journaling can have multiple meanings and purposes. It can be recording daily events; a journey of prayer; an opportunity to record how we see the hand of God working in the ordinary and out of the ordinary moments of life; a book of gratitude; a Mass journal to record key learnings from the Sunday Gospel or homily. My son-in-law Dathan uses a “field journal” to conserve his daily or prayer journal at home. 

I learned from Jan Seale at the journaling retreat that she keeps a “Grandparent Journal,” and I plan to start one. Our families and future generations can benefit from sharing our life and our faith through journaling.

Our written word accompanies us through the good times and through the tough times in our everyday family life, and we are reminded that God is present at every moment, at every second of our life. As the theologian and mystic Julian of Norwich said, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.” 

Finding joy in the ups and downs of everyday life is or can be an important part of personal transformation. Joy is more than just an emotion. Joy, like happiness, is more of a choice. One can choose to find joy even within a difficult time. If a family member is experiencing illness , hearing the laughter of a young child can bring joy to the ill person and/ or to the family that surrounds them, even if it just for a short while.

The dictionary defines joy as “taking delight or pleasure in.” Our English language even extends the word to another: to enjoy. One can enjoy a good cup of coffee, a good and challenging homily, laughter, a piece of dark chocolate, or a good long sip of water after having been thirsty. 

Joy can be a state of mind that can allow us to live the present moment with the awareness that God is ever-present and guiding and protecting us regardless of changes that seem either positive or negative in our present life.  

Psalm 92:5 “For you make me jubilant, Lord, by your deeds, at the works of your hands I shout for joy.”

A couple of years ago, our daughter moved to Kansas after living with us and her two sons while her husband was studying out of state. Having a nine-year-old boy, a two-year-old toddler, and their hardworking mother living with us was a joy. With both my husband and I working full-time, sharing ministry with marriage preparation at weekend retreats and training programs through our Diocesan Family Life Office, our days were full to the brim. And even though our day usually started at 5 a.m. for our daily walk and rosary, and ended at 11 p.m., we were having the time of our lives. We both love parenting and grandparenting, and along with the challenges that naturally come with normal family life, the joy of sharing life with one another outranks any challenges that life can bring.

Going from having a household of five with a schedule that included getting two little ones to day care and school every morning to adjusting to just two empty nesters at home was a process. Mauri and I have always enjoyed our time together. We dated for five years and were married for 11 years before we adopted Liana, so we know what it is like to be just the two of us. However, at every stage of the family life cycle, there are rewards, losses, and spiritual tasks. 

In family ministry, we teach that it is important to try to anticipate the rewards, losses, and spiritual tasks before sliding from one stage to another, but it is usually easier said than done. In the “Empty Nest Stage,” some of the rewards are time, seeing children settling in, grandchildren, back to coupleness. Some of the losses can be letting go/pain of loss; evaluating self as parent; preparing for and retirement. And some of the spiritual tasks include emphasizing personal and couple spirituality; exploring new opportunities; and wisdom, acceptance, and trust. 

Mauri and I were having the time of our life before the family moved, and we are having the time of our life now also – trusting that God is present with us regardless of what each day brings. I think service to others, whether it is serving our family members or the Church and community, is what can allow us to be joyful and have the time of our life through every stage of the family life cycle.

Pope Francis in Amoris Laetitia (57)                  

 “I thank God that many families, which are far from considering themselves perfect, live in love, fulfil their calling and keep moving forward, even if they fall many times along the way. The Synod’s reflections show us that there is no stereotype of the ideal family, but rather a challenging mosaic made up of many different realities, with all their joys, hopes and problems.” 

Family life is sacred, for it is within the family that each of us is formed – and hopefully transformed into the unique person God has created us to be. It takes a lifetime to make that uniqueness shine as a blessing to ourselves and to others. And we need assistance to do so, especially from our family members. 

In marriage, it is in our “job description,” so to speak, to make our spouse a “saint” – to help them get to heaven by helping them become the best person God has created them to be. But that’s in God’s image of them, not ours. I observe that as women, sometimes we expect our spouse to think like us or to see things from our perspective. But they cannot, because men think differently than women and have their unique perspective. When my husband and I married nearly 50 years ago, I was quite stubborn and inflexible, and although I am still a little of both, I can say that he has helped me to grow in this respect. He acts like a mirror that allows me to see those things I have to work on without throwing them in my face or being demeaning in any way. Because as the dicho, the saying, in Spanish goes, “Todos tenemos nuestros defectos.” Each of us has our personal defects. 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church 1878 says, “All men are called to the same end: God himself. There is a certain resemblance between the union of the divine persons and the fraternity that men are to establish among themselves in truth and love. Love of neighbor is inseparable from love for God.”

In the great wisdom of the Church through the Catechism, we are reminded that to love God, we must love our neighbor beginning with our family. As human beings, as much as we love our family members and others, our own creature comforts can sometimes get the better of us and we can be prone to selfishness. Another dicho comes to mind: “Están mas cerca mis dientes que mis parientes.” 

St. Paul tells us in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but (also) everyone for those of others.”

Recently, I was talking to my 10-year-old grandson, offering a gentle reminder of how much his mother does for him and how important it is to be helpful to her and recognize how self-giving she is to him and the whole family. I told him that the self has two sides: self-giving and “self-ish,” and that all of us struggle with our tendency towards selfishness. Jesus taught us that real love is self-emptying, for he totally emptied himself for us. 

St. Paul, in the continuation of the above-mentioned scripture, reminds us, “Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.  Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness and found human in appearance he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.”

Love is a decision, a choice, when we choose to do the loving thing whether we feel like it or not. Pope Francis in Regina Coeli (May 9, 2021) says, “To love as Christ means to put yourself at the service of your brothers and sisters, as he did in washing the feet of the disciples. It means making ourselves available, as we are and with what we have. This means to love not in word but in deed.” 

Family life is both sacred and messy, all at the same time. Each family, regardless of the size or form (nuclear and/ or intergenerational), is often filled with moments of joy and hope, as well as moments of tension, stress, anxiety, and even discord. That discord, often accompanied by some sort of drama, is manifested most often not because family members do not love each other, but rather because they deeply do love one another and find themselves feeling misunderstood or rejected. If we feel disrespected or rejected by a store clerk we may never see again, we might be upset, but most likely will not hold on to the hurt or disappointment because we do not share a bond with that person. On the contrary, if we experience the same thing with a family member, the hurt or disappointment cuts deeply into those ties which are formed into a “love mesh” with the sharing of everyday family living.

If we choose to distance ourselves from family members for a short time just to recover a better perspective on the situation, or allow things to calm down but we continue to keep connected, we may have a better chance at reconciliation and reconnection. If we choose to totally disengage from the person we believe creates drama, we may not have the same possibility of mending those hurts. 

In “Amoris Laetitia” #57, Pope Francis lovingly tells us, “I thank God that many families, which are far from considering themselves perfect, live in love, fulfil their calling, and keep moving forward, even if they fall many times along the way. The Synod’s reflections show us that there is no stereotype of the ideal family, but rather a challenging mosaic made up of many different realities, with all their joys, hopes and problems.” 

In family life, each of us has control over how we respond or react to a situation. We know our own personality and our own strengths and limitations in how we maneuver family situations. It is not uncommon, however, for us to operate out of our ego when confronted with family drama. The definition of the word ego includes “the self, especially with a sense of self-importance and is connected with the most central part of the mind, in which mediates with one’s surroundings.” 

Our family history, beginning with Adam and Eve, points to the reality that as human beings we tend to believe “I know better.” In the story of Adam and Eve, they believed they knew better than God what was best, and did not allow for humility.  In family life, humility is essential because each of us is in the process of being transformed into the person God has uniquely created us to be. And until we leave this earth, God is not through with us yet.

St. Paul tell us in Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility count others better than yourselves.”

If as family members we can, in humility, keep connected, keep connected, keep connected… we have a better chance of transforming family drama to family peace.

Pope Francis in “Amoris Laetitia” # 232: “The life of every family is marked by all kinds of crises, yet these are also part of its dramatic beauty. Couples (and families) should be helped to realize that surmounting a crisis need not weaken their relationship; instead, it can improve, settle and mature the wine of their union.”

May the Holy Spirit grant us the grace to humbly stay connected, and transform family drama to family peace.

Friends can have a lifelong impact on how we live and how we grow in our faith. Even as children, other children can assist us in our faith journey. I was raised in a Catholic/ Methodist family and experienced both denominations. I totally enjoyed attending CCD classes with my cousins and my neighborhood friends especially when I prepared for my First Holy Communion. I remember the day I “announced” to my mother that I was going to “make” my first communion and I was going to be “Catholic.” I felt I was making an adult decision and it is a decision that has guided me in my lifelong journey of faith.

After receiving my first communion, it was a challenge for me to get to Mass because my father was a truck driver and often worked on weekends. My best friend Leticia Garza would invite me to go to Mass with her family and it was a blessing. I recall sitting with my Padrinos Garza and their six children all in one pew at St. Margaret Church in Pharr and how I yearned to look more like them because I thought families at church together was so special. Throughout my growing up years through High School, I often went to Mass, CCD, and CYO with Lety and her sisters. 

Lety and I were literally lifelong friends and shared in all the ups and downs that family and faith bring at every stage of life until her recent death after a five-year battle with cancer. A brilliant woman (held a doctorate degree in Comparative Literature) she could share about her relationship with God and her faith from so many perspectives: intellectual, theological, and most importantly from a heart level. In the past few years, we shared our experiences of listening to the Ascension Press Podcast “Bible in a Year” and about the beauty of the sung “Chaplet of Divine Mercy” and most of all shared about our journey with Jesus. 

Lety was a great witness to me as a child and also at her “end of life” journey as she shared she was not afraid of dying and was ready to go whenever the time came and that she hoped she was enduring how God would want her to. 

A true friend is a true treasure. Lety was a true friend and a priceless treasure.

Many years ago I wrote this poem:

Friendship with a Capital “F”

I say I have many friends, but do I really? 
Or are some just for fun and being silly.
I think I have many friends with little “f”, shall we say
People I like and enjoy but don’t think about every day
But those few that are friends with an F in capital form
These are special and in my heart they were born
I did not choose them, nor did they choose me
But since the beginning of time it was deemed to be
For their words and actions are His messages in my life
And if I listen well I shall know for what to strive.
It seems so ironic that those closest to me
Are the ones I take for granted and their needs I cannot see
Why Lord, why do I worry about what others may think?
When those who are dear to me give me food and drink
Not nourishment for the body – but food for the soul
But yet I search and search for every other goal 
When the table is set before me
A feast before my eyes
Ready for me to consume the love that they provide.
Please help me Lord to cherish and keep
Their friendship, for we sow what we reap
There is so much I must learn before I return my gift to you
So my prayer is that Your will with those I love I will do.
May we all be surrounded by friends who nourish our faith and fuel us with love.

Stop whatever you are doing; close your eyes and count to ten, and listen to the sounds around you! What do you hear?
In any given day, we hear sounds that alert us like the alarm set on our phone; sounds that enliven us when we hear our spouse or child say “Good morning or I love you” ; and sounds that can be distressing such as sirens or cars honking or people yelling in anger.
Perhaps we hear the sound of the Lord speaking to us in the silence of our heart. Jesus says in John 10:27 My sheep hear My voice, I know them, and they follow Me. 
The ability to hear is a blessing we can sometimes take for granted. The challenge might be to really “listen” to what we hear. Living in a time in history where we have access to cell phones, computers, TV, car radios and other sound devices, we can literally be “hearing” something twenty-four hours a day. Some people claim that they cannot sleep without having a television on or music playing.
Questions about sounds: What are the sounds that we allow to enter into our ears and our souls? Is it important to discern what we want to hear through music lyrics and/or shows and movies? What are the sounds we miss most (like the laughter of our children or grandchildren when they are not around or the voice of a loved one who has passed)? Are we aware of and present to the sounds in our environment at any given moment? Do we take time to listen to the “sounds of silence”? Do we listen to the sounds and the essence of what family members or those we serve through our work are saying and meaning? 
When I don’t walk and pray the rosary with my husband Mauri in the mornings, I listen to and pray the rosary on the car radio on my way to work. Two years ago I prayed the rosary in Portuguese, last year in Italian and this year in Latin in order to be more attentive to the words of honor and praise to our Blessed Mother: Our Lady of Guadalupe/ Nuestra Señora de San Juan del Valle. 
On my car ride back home, I enjoy listening to Fr. Mike Schmitz from Ascension Press following “The Catechism in a Year” and for the second year now his “Bible in a Year”. As enjoyable and fruitful that is for me, I have to remind myself sometimes just to turn off the radio and listen to the silence and/ or open the car windows and listen to the birds. 
Because our Pastoral Center in San Juan is located on the grounds of the Basilica of Our Lady of San Juan del Valle, I walk to the Basilica several times a week. I enjoy listening to the rustling of the wind through the leaves of the trees in the beautifully cared for grounds. I likewise enjoy listening to the sounds of people from all walks of life that visit this magnificent Basilica every day of every year as they talk to those who accompany them or whisper prayers of intercession to our Blessed Mother. 
Recently, as I prayed before the image of our Virgencita de San Juan, I was keenly aware of the sounds of the flickering wicks of the candles. I had never paid attention to the sound of the candles! I am challenged to practice “listening” and being aware of the audible and inaudible sounds of God relating to me. I am most challenged when I am before the Blessed Sacrament and find it difficult to be still and listen to God as we hear in Psalm 46:10 “Be Still and Know that I am God” 
Listening with our ears and with our heart can be one of the most challenging things in daily life. To truly “listen” to our family members and those we are called to serve with our ears, our hearts, and our minds open to their pain and suffering or to their joy and jubilation is a goal worth reaching for.  In Jesus’ teaching, loving, suffering, dying and resurrection, He taught us “self-emptying love” – a love that literally gives all for the other. May we be “discipled” by Jesus to be open to the sounds of life and love around us by practicing self-emptying love. 

Family life is sacred and filled with both sweet times and tough times!  
When a man and a woman exchange their wedding vows, they promise their beloved to be faithful in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor each other until death do them part. Although we do not speak those vows to our children when they are born or when we adopt them, that covenantal commitment is implicit to being a parent.
At every stage of the Family Life Cycle, there are rewards, challenges, and spiritual tasks. A family with a newborn rejoices with the sweetness of the wonder of new life and the innocence and pure love exuded by the infant. Moreover, although we cherish those sweet moments, often they are coupled with the challenges of sleepless nights or worries when the child is colicky or ill. 
Those sweet and tough moments are prevalent at every stage as parents rejoice in grade school accomplishments, teenage academic and religious milestones, and in watching their young adults pursue their mission in life. Simultaneously, when tough times arise, parents act as a net to “catch” and support their children, youth, and young adults through discipline, prayer, and example.
Christianity has always been counter-cultural in its own way, teaching us “it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.” Jesus came to teach us that real love is “self-emptying love,” and the Paschal mystery reminds us that real love is sacrificial love.
In an address in Mexico in 2016, Pope Francis stated, “I prefer a family with a tired face from sacrifices made, rather than a pretty one which is unfamiliar with tenderness and compassion.”
This past Thanksgiving holiday, my husband and I flew to Kansas to visit our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. We had been hesitant to fly on a busy holiday season, but were prompted to reconsider when we heard our fourth grade grandson Elian was to have a Grandparents Day at Xavier Catholic School. We were excited about accompanying him and spending time on Thanksgiving Day with our son-in-law’s extended family. Elian was super excited to see us because we had kept our visit a surprise! 
But our next surprise was that Elian came down with the flu the following day, then our daughter, followed by her husband and then the baby. We were so very grateful to God to be there to be able to help a little as they recuperated. It was an unexpected blessing.  Those moments in family life are sacred – as sacred as the sweet moments like during our last visit to Kansas when we picked apples and visited a pumpkin patch with giant pumpkins. 
Sharing life with our family members and nurturing our relationships is one of God’s most precious gifts. How we live those sweet and tough times together reveals the intimacy we share in all times.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-7: “There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
May the Holy Spirit lead us to “dance” through the sweet times and tough times together as family.

I often say that family life is sacred and messy all at the same time. It is sacred because it is within the family that we experience the love and mercy of God. But it is also there that we are challenged to become the best person God has created us to be. And everyday family life is seldom nice and neat.

As parents and grandparents, we care and are concerned for our family members and often worry about their well-being or their choices in life. For some of us, the “worry gene” seems to overtake the natural concern that we have, sometimes to the point that it overshadows the joy that is inherent to the life and love that God graces us with every day.

Luke 12:22- “And He said to His disciples, “For this reason I say to you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat; nor for your body, as to what you will put on.” Jesus was speaking to his disciples, but also he is speaking to us today.

In one of their EWTN Podcasts, “More2Life,” Dr. Greg and Lisa Popcak spoke about the difference between being concerned for others vs. allowing worry and anxiety to overtake our life and well-being. Reflecting on this difference has been important to me, especially at times when in the life of our family there has been a big change. Recently our daughter and her family moved out of state, and my worry gene seemed to take on a life of its own.

In family ministry, we teach that at every stage of the family life cycle there are rewards, there are challenges, and there are spiritual tasks. In this new stage for my husband Mauri and me, the rewards are establishing our empty nest; the challenges are adjusting to being away from the grandchildren; and one of the spiritual tasks is to “surrender” to God. Everything belongs to God: our life, our family, our children, our home, work, and each day of life. For someone like me who can tend to have a bit of a controlling personality, it is not always easy to surrender; and yet I know  that God is loving and merciful to me even in the midst of my failure to trust and let go to him.

Matthew 6:34 – “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

In reflecting upon this conundrum, I wrote the following poem:

Keeping Joy Alive

Joy is essential for living

Life is for loving and giving

Family time is filled with moments of joy

The dancing of Elias – the laughter of Liana

The antics of Elian as he plays with a toy

The smiles of my Mauri as we share memories and dreams

Worry can steal my joy

When I focus on what might be

As if though I can control

The outcome for you and me

Only God in his Trinitarian love

Can know – will know –  His divine will

In my heart of hearts I know I need not worry

About something that has not yet appeared

But only be grateful for the moment

That is here and is real

Gratefulness allows my heart to open

And be filled with the joy of life

Take in that moment

Among the backyard weedelias

And the blooming Teresitas

Take in the “carcajadas de los niños”

Take in the breath of life

That is God’s gift of joy! 

The Church is our home. We are so blessed to be able to come back home to our parish church after these two years of pandemic! In his March letter to the faithful in our diocese withdrawing the general dispensation from the obligation to attend Sunday Mass, Bishop Flores stated: “As conditions have improved, more and more people have returned to the practice of participating in the Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation. This is a sign of great hope, and of our awareness as Catholics that to be the charitable people the Lord calls us to be, we must, whenever possible, seek the Sacrament of Charity, Christ himself in the Eucharist.”

To again be able to receive our Lord Jesus in the Eucharist is a blessing to be cherished and not taken lightly. It is coming back home!

Our grandson Elian recently received his First Holy Communion and I was reminded of my own preparation for and reception of the Holy Eucharist. Having been raised in a Catholic/ Methodist home, my grandmother Clara Reyna made sure I prepared for this sacrament at our parish, and receiving Jesus in the Eucharist for the first time was one of the best days of my life. I remember, as if yesterday, telling my mother (as she was doing laundry in our old wringer washer) that I was going to “make” my First Communion and I was going to be Catholic. Throughout the years that followed, I often had to find my own way to church with my grandparents or my best friend’s family, my padrinos. The Lord placed in my heart at that early age that besides my wonderful domestic church, the Church was also my home and my loving family. “As the sparrow finds a home and the swallow a nest to settle her young, My home is by your altars, Lord of hosts, my king and my God” (Ps 84:4)!

Followers of Jesus Christ can perhaps at times find themselves away from or disconnected to the Church. The theorist of the Stages of Faith Development, James Fowler notes that young adults often leave the Church or shop around other churches in a quest to make their faith and their commitment to the Church their own. This is why it is not surprising to me when I meet young adults preparing for marriage be reunited to the faith and commitment of their childhood. Often they explore how their faith, their prayer life, and their church attendance is being rekindled as they, together with their fiancé, make their spiritual plan during their marriage preparation process. “Like a bird far from the nest so is anyone far from home”(Ps 27:8). The Church is joy filled to welcome and receive them as a mother bird retrieves the young back to the nest.

Many life situations can lead people to distance themselves from the Church, including illness, disillusionment, hurt from church personnel, fear of virus infections during this pandemic, and/or misunderstandings. Pope Francis through his constant reminder to all of us to reach out to others, especially in the peripheries, challenges each of us to invite people to keep coming back home. Through this year’s Synodal listening processes, we have also been given opportunities to keep coming back home. Pope Francis states: “I would like that all of us, after these days of grace, might have the courage – the courage – to walk in the presence of the Lord, with the Cross of the Lord: to build the Church on the Blood of the Lord, which is shed on the Cross, and to profess the one glory, Christ Crucified. In this way, the Church will go forward.”

We may have been limited to attending church in person throughout these two years but we have never been limited to building up our domestic church/our family. Perhaps this time of having to participate in the liturgy virtually and then gradually returning to our parish churches has reminded us of the importance of praying as a family, of reading a few verses from the Gospels (as Bishop Flores often invites us to) and of being the primary catechists of our children and youth. “And all day long, both at the temple and in their homes, they did not stop teaching and proclaiming the Messiah, Jesus”(Acts 5:42).

Everyday family life is filled with joys, sorrows, laughter, pain, unexpected surprises, illnesses, excitement, anxiety, but perhaps most of all, joy.

I have often stated in Family Ministry presentations that I firmly believe that family life is messy; sacred and messy all at once: messy because life in a family is rarely nice and neat, and sacred because God created us in His image and created us to live in relationship. His presence abides in the everyday “sacred and ordinary” events of quotidian living.

Pope Francis reminds us to keep moving forward regardless of what challenges may arise in our family life. He states in # 57 of Amoris Laetitia “I thank God that many families, which are far from considering themselves perfect, live in love, fulfill their calling and keep moving forward, even if they fall many times along the way. The Synod’s reflections show us that there is no stereotype of the ideal family, but rather a challenging mosaic made up of many different realities, with all their joys, hopes and problems.”

During these two years of this Coronavirus Pandemic, I have been more keenly conscious of how important it is for me to be more aware of the sacredness of every moment in our family life. Presently we have the joy of having our daughter and two grandsons in our home for a few more months before they move out of state with our son-in-law. It is truly a joy to share life with them and often equally a challenge to not lose patience or to feel physically or emotionally tired or worried. Loving our family members means we face everyday trials together as well as celebrate “first steps” as we are currently doing with Elias Marcos or rejoice in anticipating Elian’s reception of his First Communion in a few months. Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. (James 1:2)

This idea of family life being “messy” seems to resonate with many. Mike and Alicia Hernon have a website, podcast, and resources entitled “The Messy Family Project”. Author and motivational speaker Matthew Kelly from the well known “Dynamic Catholic” has published a book and journal entitled “Life is Messy.” He titles one of the sections “Cherish the Ordinary” and states in the Journal, “Learn to cherish the ordinary. Make a list of twenty ordinary things that bring you joy when you experience them consciously. Allow the ordinary to heal you.” The following are ten of my list of twenty: (1) fixing meals for family, (2) morning walks/ praying rosary with Mauri, (3) playing with and disciplining my grandsons, (4) sharing coffee with a freind, (5) talking to my siblings, (6) walking the Basilica grounds, (7) kitchen time with my daughter Liana, (8) car dates and drives with Mauri, (9) playing my trumpet, (10) herb garden and backyard time.

Our life is meant to be a daily praise and thanksgiving to God for everything belongs to Him: our life, our family, our work, our finances, our every breath. My lips shall shout for joy as I sing your praises; My soul also, which you have redeemed. (Psalm 71:23)

In the book “Happiness in This Life: A Passionate Meditation on Earthly Existence, Pope Francis reflects “joy is the salt of the earth and the light of the world. It is the yeast that leavens society as a whole.”

May we, as God’s children, give glory and honor to God by continuing to strive to savor each moment in our family life with joy.

In Family Ministry presentations to engaged couples, married couples, and/or parents, I often state that I feel like I have the best job in the world because I have the blessing to talk about faith and family every day. I know that I would not be able to do this without the strong support of my husband of 47 years. Mauri has taught me and continues to teach me what self-emptying love is, by his actions more than by his words.

Jesus teaches us self-emptying love by the Paschal Mystery of his life, death and resurrection. And as his disciples, that is our call: to love, serve, and sacrifice our life for the good of others — in particular, our family. As much as we strive to live that self-emptying love in our families, we know that as families, we all experience struggles and brokenness.

Recently, Helen Alvaré (a member of the Vatican’s Dicastery for Laity, Family, and Life) sent all the Family Life directors of the country a book entitled Endgame: The Church’s Strategic Move to Save Faith and Family in America. The results of very recent research on the state of faith and family in America as well as some of the suggestions for us as Church to strengthen faith and family by providing marriage building opportunities is both challenging and hopeful. The following are a few points from this book:

1. “Faith and family life have hit record lows even as science continues to mount telling us how much they matter for the welfare of men, women, and children. Recent data from Gallup: church membership in the U.S. fell to a record low in 2020: 47%.”

2. “Faith and family are playing a smaller role in lives of ordinary Americans than ever … YET … Gallup also found in 2020 that two groups of Americans were especially resilient in the face of COVID’s myriad health, economic, and social trials: CHURCHGOING AND MARRIED AMERICANS.

3. To renew the Church and spread the Gospel in the 21st century, the Church today can provide opportunities for improving relationship health in marriages and families.

4. Relationships are a vehicle for fulfilling the commandments of God- a vehicle which must be intentionally run with virtues and skills. The authors quote Aristotle in the Nicomachean Ethics: “Anyone can get angry-that is easy … but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, for the right reason, and in the right way is no longer something easy”.

5. “ … the unmet needs of dating, marriage, and family relationships within our communities have created the opportunity (and responsibility) for churches to step in and offer relationship content that improves those relationships, builds rapport, and ultimately, opens hearts to the Gospel and grows churches.”

6. “True discipleship, true edification of the believers, and true ministry within the body of Christ must first and foremost build and sustain strong relationship skills and virtues that enable all relationships – but most importantly, marriage and family relationships- to fulfill the Great Commandment to love God and love others.”

Two resources that might be helpful for us to share with family members (or for our own families) are:

• 65 Dates To Renew Your Christian Marriage”: Increasing Your Emotional Intimacy One Question at a Time (Catholic Edition) by Catholic Counselor Dana Nygaard, MA. LPC, and

• Discovering God Together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Children” by Dr. Gregory and Lisa Popcak.

Mauri and I have absolutely been relishing the 365 Dates to Renew Your Christian Marriage book. Where we used to take “dialogue questions” with us for our 5:15 a.m. walks, right now we are carrying this book with us in our vehicle and we make a “date” of many of our drives from Edinburg to San Juan or back by sharing the questions.

The following are a few questions from the book to give you an idea of the variety of interesting questions to be enjoyed:

• What one adjective best describes you?

• If you could time travel to meet family members, would you rather go back in history or into the future? Would there be enough evidence to convict you if you were put on trial for your Catholic faith?

• Is there something I could do daily to make your life easier or happier?

In the book Discovering God together: The Catholic Guide to Raising Faithful Kids, the Popcaks share many wonderful nuggets of wisdom, including rituals and routines to assist us in growing our domestic church/our family, including giving children blessings and praying for them. They give examples that can be adapted or simply as samples of how we as families can strengthen our faith together with our children and grandchildren. One example of night time prayer:

Lord, thank you for this wonderful child. Bless him. Help him to know what a gift he is to this family and to the world. Give him a good night’s sleep, and help him wake up ready to bless you. ... Above all, let him love you with all his heart, mind, soul and strength all the days of his life, and love others as you love him. Amen.

May the Holy Spirit guide us to assist one another in enhancing ourmarriages, our faith, and our families.

Family life is crazy fun – mostly fun, but sometimes just plain crazy! Maybe the word “crazy” is a bit of over-exaggeration, but the point is that family life can be full of delight and despair, humor and sorrow, laughter and tears, surprises and sacrifices, calm and chaos. In Family Ministry, we teach that at every stage of the Family Life Cycle there are rewards, losses, and spiritual tasks. (Stages of Family Life: Single Adult; Courtship/Newly Married; First Child; School Age Family; Adolescents and Family; Boomerang; Empty Nest; Aging Stage) Whatever stage of the Family Life Cycle we find ourselves in, it is helpful to find resources, prayer support, and family wisdom to assist in building a happy and holy family. The path to wholeness and the path to holiness is the same: Families should strive to keep their family members healthy physically, emotionally, and – most importantly – spiritually.

For a while, my husband Mauri and I were empty nesters, or so we thought. I think we were actually in the boomerang stage. Due to a job transfer for our son-in-law, our daughter and three children are living with us for a few months. Having an 11-year-old, three-year-old and one-year-old in our home is a lot of fun; but yes, sometimes it does get a bit crazy. Mauri and I relish our time with them and also pray for the wisdom to know when to be helpful without interfering on parenting and everyday issues.

As a young mother, many years ago, I read books and other sources on parenting to assist me in finding ways to guide our daughter into becoming the best person God created her to be. We know that nothing belongs to us. Everything and everybody belongs to God. My job then as a parent was and now as a grandparent is to assist in this guidance with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Some of the resources that I have found helpful are the books written by Dr. Greg Popcak and his wife Lisa. In their book Parenting your Teens and Tweens with Grace, they state: “The Catholic Theology of Family suggests that Catholic Households should take our cues for how we relate to one another from the way God relates to us through his family, the Church. Five specific lessons we can learn by following the Church’s example are: 1) Connection is key, 2) The sacred power of family meals, 3) Self-donation is the key to obedience, 4) Combine high standards with gentle discipline, 5) Your family life is a liturgy.”

They stress the importance of family rituals: “Having regular rituals that enable your family to work, play, talk, and pray together at least a few minutes every day is critical to making your home a dynamic and soul-satisfying domestic church and giving your teens the sense of stability and structure they need to find their place in the world.”

Pope Francis often reminds us that in a sense, we live the Paschal Mystery in our everyday family life. At the World Meeting of Families in 2015, he said, “In families, we argue; in families, sometimes the plates fly; in families, the children give us headaches. And I’m not even going to mention the mother-in-law. But in families, there is always, always, the cross. Always. Because the love of God, of the Son of God, also opened for us this path. But in families as well, after the cross, there is the resurrection … The family is, forgive the term I’ll use, it is a factory of hope, of hope of life and of resurrection. God was the one who opened this path. In families, there are difficulties, but these difficulties are overcome with love.”

May the Holy Spirit inspire us to rejoice in our family life as we continue to learn how to better know, love, and serve our God.

In this special Jubilee Year 2025, the theme is “Pilgrims of Hope,” which is taken from the Letter of St. Paul to the Romans 5:5, “Hope does not disappoint.” This observance of the Jubilee 2025 is intended by Pope Francis to be celebratory, as well as a profound source of spiritual renewal rooted in a deeply felt sense of hope with the focus on reconciliation, forgiveness and prayerful pilgrimage.

As Catholics we are encouraged to go on a pilgrimage in this Holy Year, either to Rome or to one of the four designated churches in our diocese: Immaculate Conception Cathedral in Brownsville, the Basilica of Our Lady of San Juan del Valle-National Shrine in San Juan, Immaculate Conception Church in Rio Grande City, or Our Lady of Guadalupe Church in Raymondville.

Local pilgrimages can be fun and educational. In the last Jubilee Year 2000, my husband Mauri and I invited our dear friends from San Antonio, John and Maria Romo, to make a short pilgrimage with us from San Juan to Roma, Texas where we toured the parish facilities and learned about the history of Our Lady of Refuge Church which was founded in 1853.

Also, when our diocese celebrated its 50th anniversary in 2015, I had the blessing to coordinate four pilgrimage tours along with Miguel Santos. It was a great experience of accompanying parishioners from Brownsville to Roma to visit and learn about our history. At that time, my younger brother who had serious health problems and my elderly mother were unable to join us. So instead we dedicated several Sundays to visiting all the Catholic churches in a specific town and read about the history from the Diocesan history book “A Journey of Faith,” published in 2002.

When we think of a pilgrimage we think of a journey to a holy place, to churches and shrines. But we don’t have to travel far to be pilgrims of hope. Many, if not most families sometimes experience discord, misunderstanding, and oftentimes division. Let’s take the iniative within our family to bring hope through reconciliation, forgiveness, and self-emptying love.

Perhaps at this moment in our family life we are being called to be pilgrims of hope to a sibling who is ill and needs transportation and/or food; a parent-in-law who needs constant care and attention; an adult child who needs temporary housing; a grandchild who needs guidance and support; or an adult child with a debilitating illness.

As a family, it can be enlightening and fun to plan something special during this Jubilee Year. A few things to consider include: (1) making a pilgrimage together, visiting one of the four designated churches; (2) visiting several churches in a given Rio Grande Valley town and reading about their history; (3) adding part or all of the Jubilee Year Prayer at dinnertime: (Jubilee); (4) preparing some baked goods for someone in the family who is or feels estranged from the rest of the family or from us with the hope that with God’s grace, there might be reconciliation in the future. 

Praying for others in this Jubilee Year and while on pilgrimage is important as we look for ways to be pilgrims of hope.   

My husband and I had long dreamt of visiting Rome and had saved for several years to go for our 40th anniversary 10 years ago. Mauri was unable to get off work, so we prayed that if it was God’s will, we would find the time and opportunity to go. With God’s grace, we went to Rome this Jubilee Year in late January (shortly after celebrating our 50th anniversary). 

We had the blessing to go through the Holy Door at St. Peter’s Basilica and to be present at Sunday Angelus, Wednesday Audience, Communications Presentation, and Sunday Mass at which Pope Francis presided. And we had the blessing to pray for our diocese, family, friends and Family Life Office volunteers and to pray for peace in the family. My index card with names of people to pray for was well-worn upon our return, having been employed at all the churches where we attended Mass or visited.

Each and every one of us has a myriad of opportunities to be Pilgrims of Hope through our prayers and actions as we strive to serve Our Lord by serving our family, our Church and community, and those in most need within our reach. Let us all rejoice in God’s gracious goodness this Jubilee Year!